A modest proposal to to bring free market principles to the US political system

A modest proposal to  to bring free market principles to the US political system and to prevent politicians  from becoming a burden to their nation.. (Spoiler-this article is satire)

Two  recent Supreme Court decisions (Citizen United and McCutcheon v. FEC) right minded though they may be, did  not go nearly far enough to bring a free market system to our expensive , wasteful system of elections and government.   If the core  principles of "corporations are people too" and "one dollar, one vote" are to be truly beneficial to our nation, they will need to be carried out further.  Free market principles,  as a rule, always bring incredible  efficiencies  to every market endeavor-just look at the great increase in revenues for aging  rock stars ( and ticketing  agencies) once they actually  began  charging what the market will bear for concert tickets. 

A private well compensated body should be  set up to conduct  auctions for all leadership positions in the federal government.   Bidders should be able to obtain for a price (and a small fee) which ever positions in the government they wish to control. Why spend all of the money of the donor class on  CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS FOR CANDIDATES and indirect bribes   when that money could instead be spent on government itself.   Once bidders have bought the positions they will be obligated to pay for all the salary, benefits, staff and office expenses for the position in question.  There will be  no more complaining about the great expense of Air Force One, for once in private hands the jet will be downsized, and market efficiencies introduced. Extra staff will be let go. Future  First Ladies will have to pay for her own vacations.

We shouldn't have to pay for the First Lady's  trips to feed foreign animals.

The resulting savings, may eventually enable the government to cease charging taxes all together and rely solely  on auction receipts,  government fees, and foreign  bond holders to cover those government expenses that we actually choose  to pay for.   With tax money back in the hands of the  investing class, the nation will once again be able to invest in off-shore job creation.  It will  be a win-win for every one.

Why not rename this building-The Capital One-US Capitol building?

What about the pricey government infrastructure?  The continuing expense of many of these buildings could be mitigated by auctioning off  naming  rights, or the buildings could be removed directly from inventory by outright sale. Parts of government that can't be shut down, could be paid for by donations from  people who like to  give away their money like Warren Buffet, Warren Buffet's secretary, Hollywood liberals, and  Bill Gates.

A theft-based  variation of this system has already shown to work really well for oligarchs  in China and Russia, why shouldn't oligarchs here have the same rights? I for one, am looking forward, to not having all those campaign commercials clogging the airwaves.