Taylor Swift Steps Out to the Combination Taco Bell/KFC/Pizza Hut!

Taylor Swift 's Cottage in L.A.

Let's look on a scene  from Taylor Swift's mansion . Taylor is talking to Bill, her new  head of security.

That's Bill-right there beyond Taylor.

"Look, Harry ..I need to talk to you! said Taylor Swift

"It's Bill, Ma'am" said her security guard.

"I am miss not a ma'am. Anyway, Bill-   I need to get out of here. I need to be alone. No guards!"

"Miss Swift, I wouldn't recommend going out alone. We wouldn't want anyone out there touching things they shouldn't be touching."

"I'll be O.K"

"Are you sure? You don't   even want to bring your squad?  I hear that Lorde is around", said Bill.

"Don't worry I will go in disquise.  I have got this covered."
 Taylor slipped away to her dressing room and was back in a flash with new makeup, new curly hair, demure dress, and an acoustic guitar."What do you think, Bill"

"I don't get it, Miss Swift."

"It's me from  my country music period."

 "Your what? "

"Bill, you  don't remember my country music period? "

"I don't follow the music scene. The agency that hired me wanted nobody who could turn out secretly to be a crazed fan."

"Well, Bill  I was really big in country music when I started.  Back then I looked like this! " Taylor dramatically  turned around in around with her made up squinty eyes and now curly hair.

 "But , Miss you still you look you."

 "Do I.   Well, of course I look like me, I'm the same  girl I used to be." She broke into song as she headed to the front door.

 "Bill, could you have somebody bring up my old beaten up Escalade. "said Taylor.

"Yes, miss.  Can you at least tell me where you are going?" said Bill.

 I'm going to  go get some KFC, they tell there is a new combination TACO Bell/KFC/Pizza Hut!.

So, the world's biggest popstar took a spin  around town to check out L.A.'s new combination KFC/Pizza Hut/Taco Bell. Taylor  was going to go inside-but at the last minute chickened out.

"Welcome to the New High Tech Pizza Bell (sic). Can I take your order?" said Alejandro-the drive through cashier.

Taylor cracked her window just a smidge and disguised her voice into a country twang.-"Yes -hon,  I would  like the 5 dollar fillup  with the free Grand opening Diet Pepsi special."

"Need any sauce with that?"

"No- just some salt."

"That will be $343.20. Pull on Up" said the Alejandro, the cashier.

"$343.20 !! Damn dude -Are you on something?" Taylor's  Southern accent was gone.

"M'aam you are  Katy Perry-the pop star are you not? "

Taylor Swift nearly died.
"Oh-no. Oh-no-no-no!" said Taylor as she shook her head.

The cashier  started talking to Juana, the manager, "Juana -didn't you say that was somebody famous in my  driveup? I think it's Katy Perry or Justin Bieber or somebody-they have a fancy truck with gold plated chrome-but I can't see who they are beneath all  the tint."

"Yes.  Alejandro that is a celebrity.  Look at your customer screen -it will tell you who it is.
Remember , our new system recognizes the customers before they come up through advanced  facial recognition."

"I'm sorry Juana, I don't get this new system.  Let me look. Oh I see it now  it  says T-a--s-w-I-f-t. What's that? I don't get it."
Taylor brook into the training session, "Look dude, could you just get the manager to come over here-!"
Juana, the manager ran over.  "Good afternoon Mrs. Swift, I'm Juana. Welcome to the new High Tech Pizza Hut/KFC/Taco Bell!"

"How is it your charging me 343.20 dollars?" asked Taylor.

"Yes that's our new California mandated  Equity pricing.  Everybody pays what they can afford.We charged you 5.00 plus 150.00 for the equity price."

"But then it should only be $155.00?  said Taylor.


Juana looked at the screen-"Yes, I see that there is also the scalper's markup that's an additional $145.00
  And ... there's the $10 dollar fee for Ticket Master, and the ten dollar facility charge.
Oh and  the $23.20 state meal tax. "Actually you made out pretty good-we just had somebody from Big Pharma in here. He had to pay over 12,000.00 dollars."

"That's outrageous.  I'm sorry I will not pay these kind of prices! I will go to McDonalds-they usually comp my meals because they know how lucky they are to have me as a customer."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Juana.

"You should be sorry" said Taylor.

Alejandro  came up and  butted his head  out of the drive through window. He shoved the classic Katy Perry CD- Teenage Dream in Miss Swifts face. "Oh by the way, Miss  Perry  can I have your autograph-it's for my ailing mother-she's been a big fan of your since "I Kissed A Girl and I Liked it".

"No-you can't have my autograph. In no universe would I ever be Katy Fucking Perry. GOODBYE!" Taylor Swift ratcheted the offending CD back through the window  and sped off.
Alejandro and Juana ducked.
Juana looked down at the customer ID screen-next up was a K.A.P.E.R.R.Y in a pink smart car.

THE END!
Originally published May 12, 2019 By J.C.Bernhardt

Classic rock acts where you can name all the members.

"It was the early '80s. I went with Pete Townshend, who always wanted to catch the first whiff of those about to unseat us, to a club in London. There they were: A young Bono -- single-handedly pioneering the Irish mullet; (laughter) the Edge -- what kind of name was that?; Adam and Larry. I was listening to the last band of whom I would be able to name all of its members. U2 had an exciting show and a big, beautiful sound. They lifted the roof. "  -Bruce Springsteen inducting U2 into the rock and roll hall of fame. 

Certainly it's true that nowadays that you usually can't name all the members of any given  band  if you are a casual fan of group.  I can name the lead singer of Coldplay, of Maroon Five, and of Imagine Dragons but I can't name any of the other  members of these bands.  I think the last recent  group  that I can name all the  members of would be the Spice Girls and they started up in the last century.

 Back in the height  of the classic rock era of the 1960's and 1970's rock fans would  be intimately familiar with all the members of a group-even for groups they didn't follow. This  started with the Beatles. The whole world can  name all the members of the Beatles.   Their producer, George Martin originally tried to pick one of the groups members to be main singer of the group-but then he realized it was impossible to  pick between John Lennon and Paul McCartney. And yet, despite having two world class talents in one band-Martin would agree to  let the two other  slightly lesser members of the band -sing lead vocals also.  The formula typicall on  British Beatles album was to let  John and Paul handle  ten of the songs, give George two songs, and let Ringo sing one song. George and eventually Ringo also wrote songs.  Musically- Paul and John were always stronger and more important-but George  and Ringo also contributed greatly to the band.  When the Beatles broke up-all the group members all four members had successful solo careers.  So this became the model for other classic rock groups .  Have some leading members but  also have a willingness to let others contribute and also a willingness to give the lesser members the spotlight on occasion.

The Rolling Stones sort of flouted this idea a little. The group's arrogant  leaders,  Keith Richards  and Mick Jagger  wouldn't encourage the other members to sing  vocal leads or write songs (partly because the others really  didn't have the talent to do so.) But even so all the  others would make key  musical contributions and on rare occasions they would even  help with songwriting (always uncredited!).

In writing this article- I was wondered  which of the group's of this era had the most equally talented band.  I think I came to the conclusion that it would be sort of tie between The Who, Led Zeppelin and Queen.  The Who's  three instrumentalists were all lead players. They had  Keith Moon, a lead drummer , John Entwhistle, a lead bassist and  Pete Townsend- a lead guitarist.  Many of the best moments on Who records came from Keith Moon's antic drumming.  Lead singer, Roger Daltry sometimes got lost in all this talent  in the early days, but he soon proved to be a virtuoso singer as well.  All four sang as well, though Moon only as a novelty singer. The only imbalance in the group was that Townsend wrote most of the group's material (occasionally spelled by Entwhistle).

Led Zeppelin also had three virtuoso instrumentalists . John Bonham was probably the best rock and roll drummer ever. Jimmy Page was one  of the best electric guitarists ever, and John Paul Jones was a solid bassist/ multi-instrumentalist/arranger. None of these three instrumentalists sang very well, so singer Robert Plant had to handle all  of lead and most of backing singing by himself-which he did quite well.  All four contributed to the songwriting with Page taking the lead musically, and Plant lyrically. Page also produced. Led Zeppelin was a well balanced band.

Queen might have been a half a step down instrumentally from Led Zeppelin, and The Who-but all four  members could write songs individually. They are the only group to  have four members individually write a US or UK number one song  for their own group.    Although lead singer, Freddie Mercury sang most of the lead vocals-Roger Taylor and Brian May also sang.  The only imbalance here is that master showman, Freddie Mercury would have stood  out  in any group of individuals regardless of how talented they were.

Many other groups of the time- had a similar democrat approach -the Moody Blues had four lead singers  and all of the members wrote  songs . The only imbalance for the Moodies  was  that Guitarist Justin Hayward's  songs were always a cut above-as were his vocals. This only became a problem  for balance in the band when keyboardist and  /singer, Mike Pinder left the band at the same time  as Ray Thomas and Graeme Edge took on a lesser role. So the band basically became a Justin Hayward/John Lodge vehicle after the 1970's.   The same problem occurred with the horn group Chicago. The classic version of this  group had three lead singers, as well as  multiple successful songwriters, but by the late 1970's one member, Peter Cetera became the group's main singer and songwriter. By the mid eighties, it had become so unbalanced that Cetera  left the band to form a solo career.

What groups could put the most lead singers on the radio?  Aside from the forementioned Beatles, the two groups that put the most solo lead  vocalists on the radio were the Beach Boys (5)   and the Eagles (4). The Beach Boys had a clear leader in the 1960's with vocalist/songwriter/bassist Brian Wilson.  But his two brothers, Carl and Dennis, his cousin, Mike Love, and family friend, Al Jardine also all sang solo lead vocals on top ten singles.  Another group member, Bruce Johnston  also sang on their hits, and Blondie Chaplin ( a later replacement member) sang lead on one  of the most notable songs, "Sail On Sailor".

The Eagles followed the  Rolling Stones model of having two dictators running the band. Founding members and so called "Gods". Glenn Frey and Don Henley had a notably bad reputation for mistreating other members-and three of the groups' ultimate total of  seven  members were run out of the band due to conflict with "The Gods".  However, unlike the Rolling Stones, the other guys and the band could not only play their instruments, but they could sing and write songs as well.  The Eagles are the only group to have seven   different members "really" co-write a top ten hit song. (Some acts give all members credit for writing a song even when they don't  play a key role in writing lyrics or melodies.)  All seven members  sang solo lead vocals on Eagles records ( though Don  Felder wasn't  a very good singer  and only sang one song). Four of the group members sang lead vocals on a top ten hit.

One other group should mentioned in this conversation. That would be the Temptations-although they were a Soul/pop group  and  not a rock  group they operated during the same era and were notable for having a number of great vocalists in their lineup.  The group had two main  lead singers in their classic 1960's  lineup -David Ruffin, and Eddie Kendricks both of whom  sang lead on many classic recordings. When Ruffin  left  the group he was replaced by a another lead singer, Dennis Edward.  When Dennis Edwards joined the group started recording a number of songs (such as "Cloud Nine)" that would feature solo spotlights for all the members of the group all on one recording-usually these recordings had Edward doing the main lead vocal.  Thus another five members of the group would end  up being heard singing solo leads on their songs throughout the seventies. Finally, a ninth member of the Temptations-Ali -Ollie Woodson would sing on two later hits. Thus the Temptations  are probably the group that had the most different vocalist sing a solo  lead on a top 40 record.

Some other groups where many people can name all the original members are the Police, Pink Floyd, CSNY, Cream, CCR, The Band, the Bee Gees,  the Mamas and the Papas, the Clash, Traffic, R.E.M, Rush, Kiss, Nirvana, Journey, Yes, The Cars, Deep Purple and Journey.


Published may 2019