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| Taylor Swift 's Cottage in L.A. |
Let's look on a scene from Taylor Swift's mansion . Taylor is talking to Bill, her new head of security.
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| That's Bill-right there beyond Taylor. |
"Look, Harry ..I need to talk to you! said Taylor Swift
"It's Bill, Ma'am" said her security guard.
"I am miss not a ma'am. Anyway, Bill- I need to get out of here. I need to be alone. No guards!"
"Miss Swift, I wouldn't recommend going out alone. We wouldn't want anyone out there touching things they shouldn't be touching."
"I'll be O.K"
"Are you sure? You don't even want to bring your squad? I hear that Lorde is around", said Bill.
"Don't worry I will go in disquise. I have got this covered."
Taylor slipped away to her dressing room and was back in a flash with new makeup, new curly hair, demure dress, and an acoustic guitar."What do you think, Bill"
"I don't get it, Miss Swift."
"It's me from my country music period."
"Your what? "
"Bill, you don't remember my country music period? "
"I don't follow the music scene. The agency that hired me wanted nobody who could turn out secretly to be a crazed fan."
"Well, Bill I was really big in country music when I started. Back then I looked like this! " Taylor dramatically turned around in around with her made up squinty eyes and now curly hair.
"But , Miss you still you look you."
"Do I. Well, of course I look like me, I'm the same girl I used to be." She broke into song as she headed to the front door.
"Bill, could you have somebody bring up my old beaten up Escalade. "said Taylor.
"Yes, miss. Can you at least tell me where you are going?" said Bill.
I'm going to go get some KFC, they tell there is a new combination TACO Bell/KFC/Pizza Hut!.
So, the world's biggest popstar took a spin around town to check out L.A.'s new combination KFC/Pizza Hut/Taco Bell. Taylor was going to go inside-but at the last minute chickened out.
"Welcome to the New High Tech Pizza Bell (sic). Can I take your order?" said Alejandro-the drive through cashier.
Taylor cracked her window just a smidge and disguised her voice into a country twang.-"Yes -hon, I would like the 5 dollar fillup with the free Grand opening Diet Pepsi special."
"Need any sauce with that?"
"No- just some salt."
"That will be $343.20. Pull on Up" said the Alejandro, the cashier.
"$343.20 !! Damn dude -Are you on something?" Taylor's Southern accent was gone.
"M'aam you are Katy Perry-the pop star are you not? "
Taylor Swift nearly died.
"Oh-no. Oh-no-no-no!" said Taylor as she shook her head.
The cashier started talking to Juana, the manager, "Juana -didn't you say that was somebody famous in my driveup? I think it's Katy Perry or Justin Bieber or somebody-they have a fancy truck with gold plated chrome-but I can't see who they are beneath all the tint."
"Yes. Alejandro that is a celebrity. Look at your customer screen -it will tell you who it is.
Remember , our new system recognizes the customers before they come up through advanced facial recognition."
"I'm sorry Juana, I don't get this new system. Let me look. Oh I see it now it says T-a--s-w-I-f-t. What's that? I don't get it."
Taylor brook into the training session, "Look dude, could you just get the manager to come over here-!"
Juana, the manager ran over. "Good afternoon Mrs. Swift, I'm Juana. Welcome to the new High Tech Pizza Hut/KFC/Taco Bell!"
"Yes that's our new California mandated Equity pricing. Everybody pays what they can afford.We charged you 5.00 plus 150.00 for the equity price."
"But then it should only be $155.00? said Taylor.
Juana looked at the screen-"Yes, I see that there is also the scalper's markup that's an additional $145.00
And ... there's the $10 dollar fee for Ticket Master, and the ten dollar facility charge.
Oh and the $23.20 state meal tax. "Actually you made out pretty good-we just had somebody from Big Pharma in here. He had to pay over 12,000.00 dollars."
"That's outrageous. I'm sorry I will not pay these kind of prices! I will go to McDonalds-they usually comp my meals because they know how lucky they are to have me as a customer."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Juana.
"You should be sorry" said Taylor.
Alejandro came up and butted his head out of the drive through window. He shoved the classic Katy Perry CD- Teenage Dream in Miss Swifts face. "Oh by the way, Miss Perry can I have your autograph-it's for my ailing mother-she's been a big fan of your since "I Kissed A Girl and I Liked it".
"No-you can't have my autograph. In no universe would I ever be Katy Fucking Perry. GOODBYE!" Taylor Swift ratcheted the offending CD back through the window and sped off.
Alejandro and Juana ducked.
Juana looked down at the customer ID screen-next up was a K.A.P.E.R.R.Y in a pink smart car.
Originally published May 12, 2019 By J.C.Bernhardt
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